Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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