At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize