my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
