turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
