...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize