did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
