I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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