If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
