It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
