I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
