Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
