i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
