So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
they're like a gay fantastic four
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
