I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
