Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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