Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
