She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
