what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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