oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
