Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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