But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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