Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
