I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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