Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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