walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
