Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was CRYING into my vagina
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
