the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
