don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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