My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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