She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
