I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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