C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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