You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
