Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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