My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
