I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
