i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
