worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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