a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
