lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
