my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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