I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
