literally had 100 drinks last night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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