My hair reeks of homosexuality.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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