her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
