its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
