I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
