I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
