walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boobs are out for the taking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
