I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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