then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
