Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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