ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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