I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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