direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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