Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
