coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
