How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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