The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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