he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
