oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text