After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??