I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar