Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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