dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina is very pro this idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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