The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
