I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
