How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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