I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
