I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
