I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
