I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
