I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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