Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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