i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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