Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
