Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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